Prayer with Mixed motives

It Would Be Easier to Pray if I Were Clear 
by Ted Loder
(from his book of prayers called Guerrillas of Grace)

“O Eternal One, it would be easier for me to pray 

if I were clear

and of a single mind and a pure heart; 

if I could be done hiding from myself 

and from you, even in my prayers. 

But, I am who I am, 

mixture of motives and excuses, 

blur of memories, 

quiver of hopes, 

knot of fear, 

tangle of confusion, 

and restless with love, for love. 

I wander somewhere between 

gratitude and grievance, 

wonder and routine, 

high resolve and undone dreams, generous impulses and unpaid bills. 

Come, find me, Lord. 

Be with me exactly as I am. 

Help me find me, Lord. 

Help me accept what I am, so I can begin to be yours. 

Make of me something small enough to snuggle, 

young enough to question, 

simple enough to giggle, 

old enough to forget, 

foolish enough to act for peace; 

skeptical enough to doubt the sufficiency of anything but you, 

and attentive enough to listen 

as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity 

into the chancy glory of my possibilities and the power of your presence.”